6月28日晚上10点，“欲望的语法”英文写作工作坊正式收官。这也意味着在我们的好朋友Nazlı的引导下，我们已经完整地走过了探索“都市、记忆、欲望”三重主题的阅读写作之旅。
在这期课程的6周中，我们与30位生活在世界各地的写作者共同阅读了杜拉斯的经典之作《情人》。每晚的课程往往伴随着柯恩（Leonard Cohen）的歌声开启，在Nazlı与参与者们互道晚安中结束。
这是一部对一些共读者有特殊意义的而反复重温的作品，也可能是另一些共读者因为不断感受到阅读的困难而反复放下的作品。除了赏析那些令我们赞叹乃至屏息的时刻，我们也毫不避讳地在课堂中讨论这本半自传体小说给我们带来的挑战，甚至是不适与困惑。从坦诚面对自己的阅读体验开始，我们再共同思考并讨论杜拉斯为何做出这样或者那样具体的写作选择：譬如那反复切换的视角与时态——我们时而被带到那穿着白裙的15岁少年的面前倾听她的呓语，下一秒又被带到已老去的她回看过往的视角——杜拉斯为何这样写作？大家在此过程中提到或许人的经验与感知原本就并非线性，而这样跳跃、非线性的叙事，或许在为我们的写作提供另一种可能性。
展开剩余95%除此之外，或许值得一提的是，课程中发生了许多美妙的共时性时刻：譬如在开课2周之后，美国线上杂志平台APS（A Public Space）也在作家霍诺·摩尔（Honor Moore）的带领下开启了《情人》的共读活动。摩尔提到，在当下这个充满变动、混乱与暴力的时代，我们应当重新阅读这本写在二十世纪末的经典之作。
杜拉斯流畅地融合着复杂的话题：殖民主义、种族主义、暴力、性。与此同时，她冷静地，时而嘲讽地，揭示着其中的残酷性与脆弱性。她的书写会持续为我们带来关于欲望文法的新启示。
在以下的内容中，我们希望与你分享来自工作坊参与者的真实想法与收获。
SU苏说：
我记住了“如何像作家一样阅读”这一观点概念，更会从一个创作者的角度去阅读文本，并从中得到创作的启发。我希望将来还有机会继续上Nazlı的课，因为内容是我感兴趣的，在专业老师的带领下，我的阅读和写作技能很快提升了很多。同学们相互启发讨论，也带给我很多灵感。
Viya说：
不要管那么多，阅读更多作品，并且立即开始写。
这门课程让我每周固定有一个时间必须要思考阅读和写作，并且布置了一些联系，我必须立即开始实操。同时，Nazli非常积极地回应每一位同学，我的想法能得到很积极的回应。最后谢谢Nazli跟我们一起度过了非常有意义的六个星期。❤️
Melanie Tsang说：
我想记住我们一起对The Lover的分析和感受，Nazli传授的写作观念以及我们总结的写作知识和经验。
Nazli是一个好老师。她每堂课都会提前准备好阅读和启发式的提问，课堂上兼容讲授和解答学生提问，课后发放录音，非常有条理。 她的教学内容非常丰富，除了课堂内容还提供一对一的解答，其它文学资源和活动的分享，以及她对我们作品的细致的反馈。上Nazli的课期间会有种回到大学的沉浸式的感觉。
Ying说：
我非常喜欢书影音结合的方式。一般镜头语言和文本不经常同时出现，老师的课程从最开始就引入了这一个视角。我觉得十分独特。 同学们的讨论质量也很高，有时候自己阅读是孤独的，但有同伴的感觉非常不同。
Nazli可以用读者的视角平视我，同时给我非常细致的评论，这是写作者看来很珍贵的。
Jie S 说：
我的收获：读你喜欢的书，写作时慢慢来，耐心；我喜欢Nazli设计的写作prompt，那个帮助我更好理解阅读材料和进行写作训练；Nazli每次上课前都会发一个文档，让我更有效地进行课前阅读，比单纯阅读有趣多了；写作时，沉浸在当下，不要去想失败或成功，也不要在意别人的评价。这个帮助我喜欢上写作。
Nazli有蛮多经验的，知道哪些地方需要改进，以及哪些地方是写作者需要关注的。她可以帮助我入门写作小说，也让我感觉到，写小说不仅仅只是靠灵感的意识流，更是一步步来的，但是长期坚持的一种修身养性的实践。喜欢她慢慢分析阅读和写作的过程。
Chelsea说：
首先，我非常喜欢课程聚焦的两个文本——玛格丽特·杜拉斯的《情人》和《几句关于写作的短句》（这是我第一次阅读和观看《情人》）。课程的标题“欲望的语法”本身就已经给我带来了很多启发。
这里所说的“语法”，提供了一种清晰的阅读和写作的思路，即如何从语言（句子）结构的角度出发，去构建一个关于情感、欲望（存在和毁灭）以及离别的故事。这包括仔细思考：是谁在表达自己的情感？从什么时候开始转换视角才最合适？同时也涉及到叙事时态的选择——过去的记忆如何与未来的想象交织？此外，还要考虑在不同场景之间使用何种标点符号：这些场景之间是冲突的，还是能连贯地推动叙述？它们是完整的句子（也即完整的场景），还是作者借此提出的问题？
语法的观念也意味着：一个句子可以被重新书写，可以展现不同的风格、声音甚至时态。这种潜力促使我从多重时间和空间的视角来看待文本。更重要的是，通过比较同一个故事的文学版与视觉版，此番对照的阅读方式可以帮助写作者思考文本的潜力，包括但不限于更细致地关注写作中场景的建构与想象。第二本书则聚焦于如何写出有效的句子，并提醒写作者打磨句子的重要性，这对我来说也非常有帮助。
我希望将来还有机会继续上Nazlı的课，因为Nazli总能提供最精细、精准的写作建议，非常有耐心帮助写作者打磨作品。她选用的文本有助于作者以写作者的视角学习和练习。
塔麻可吉Tata说：
这门课中关于意向/形象的讨论让我记忆犹新，非常感动：同一个意向/形象如何重复，又如何变化，它如何反应作者精心虚构的时空，又如何投射作者对“自我”、对角色的情感与凝视。我很喜欢课上大家讨论小说中爱、欲望、权力关系的那部分，也很喜欢一起探索叙述者在文中插入对于写作看法的那部分。
正如课程名称所说的，这是“欲望的语法”。我们在这些流动的文字里也学会了审视自己的记忆——然后将它们提炼塑造成叙事，进而更好地理解“爱和欲望”如何反过来构建了我们的内心。这些体验给我很大的鼓舞，我也开始鼓足勇气，进行了第一次英文创意写作的尝试。
Nazlı的教学引人入胜，我特别享受全身心参与到每一次课堂的讨论当中，这感觉真的很棒。每周的讨论大家都各抒己见，非常有见地，让我学到了很多。
Nazlı的课堂总是充满热情，极富感染力，而且是指引式的，引导我们自己思考。从精心设计的课前问题、每周的写作提示建议，到课堂上的文本分析、现场讨论，每个环节层层深入，非常丝滑，在她的带领下，我能更深入地探索文学世界。
我非常感谢她为我们设置的那些明确的截止日期，这让人在标准下行事，仔细规划时间。我也感谢她面对作业给出的反馈信，它真的太详细了。课后一对一咨询的那场会议也令人难忘。我现在还会时不时想起，那些建议对我而言有着很重要的意义，几乎重塑了我的写作习惯和态度。
我觉得这一切都超级完美，现在只有一个问题：下次工作坊什么时候开启呢？我已经迫不及待想要参加了！😊
最后，请让我们共同回顾工作坊中的作品选段。
“Unutterable Love”
by SU苏
The light slants through the office window now, a thin gold blade slicing across the desk where she sits, sorting through a stack of manus. Ten years, she thinks, and the memory arrives not as a wave but as a drift of ash—fine, persistent, settling on the surface of the present. She pauses, her finger hovering over a dog-eared copy of Notes from Underground, its pages faintly scented with bergamot and the ghost of a library’s dust. That first day, too, there had been bergamot: he’d been holding a mug, steam curling like a question mark, when their paths crossed in the glass-walled atrium of the new building.
“Dostoevsky,” he’d said, as if they’d been mid-conversation all along. Not hello or welcome, but the name of a man who’d written about souls cracking open like eggs. She’d laughed, startled, because it was true—she’d been re-reading Crime and Punishment on the subway that morning, Raskolnikov’s feverish logic still clinging to her like a second skin. “You too?” she’d asked, and in that moment, the atrium’s fluorescent lights had softened, as if the sun itself had leaned in to listen.
They’d talked then, standing by the potted ferns that never quite thrived, about The Brothers Karamazov and whether redemption was a lie men told themselves to sleep easier. He’d mentioned Brecht, how the alienation effect was just a way to make the audience feel the weight of their own complicity, and she’d thought, He understands. Later, in the elevator, their shoulders brushing as the doors slid shut, she’d caught the faint scent of his cologne—something woody, like a forest after rain—and wondered if he felt it too, that electric hum of recognition, the way two strangers can sometimes sound like a single voice, echoing back a thought you hadn’t known you’d had.
Nazlı评语
Dear SU苏,
“Unutterable Love” is a story about two characters who seem to have met at the wrong time at the wrong place, and instead of becoming lovers have drifted apart for ten years. I appreciate how you recreate the complexity of real life, especially when the mainstream media has warped our expectations to be positive and uncomplicated. I also appreciate your similes and word choice, specifically the strong verbs. I find that the flashbacks add to the story, the repeated scenes and images accumulate meaning and metaphorical meaning, and all of them come together as a moving and real story.
Let’s begin with the language, which is already one of the strengths of this piece, so I’d like to make suggestions to polish and refine it even further. There are some words that are repeated, two or four or five times, and while these aren’t great numbers, because the words are strong ones, the repetition is felt. In situations like this, I want to make sure the repetition is intentional and that it doesn’t feel repetitive. Examples of repeated words are: fragile, lock, fold, bergamot, and mote. […] I wanted to share all this with you because at the end of the day, I know you, too, want logically sound metaphors and details. Back to repetitions, metronome, too, is used in two instances, and I recommend changing one of the metaphors to give each its due impact.
“Hands and Whispers”
by Chelsea
I.
Iris did not meet Flora at the college where they both studied. It was at a massage parlour, tucked into a shabby corner of Brick Lane in East London, that Iris first came to know Flora—more precisely, her hands.
Daily, she passed the parlour—
shoulders aching, back bent with months of want—
yet she never entered.
The coloured lights strung above the door—the dim red and blue glow—resembled the hair salons in the narrow alleys of late twentieth-century China.
Recognition was unsettling, Iris thought: the act of comparing two images in one’s mind, unfair to both.
Iris finally went to the parlour, after cutting a twenty-minute short film by a young Japanese director whom she met in the summer,
at a workshop discussing intellectual intimacy.
It was a part-time job.
No talking. Only attention-seeking.
Keep this. Cut that.
Decisions made in seconds—
and measured by them.
The film was about a grandmother with dementia. First, she forgot nouns.
Then adjectives. Finally, verbs. Her visionary world turned orange on the day she celebrated her ninetieth birthday with her neighbour.
The VOICE-OVER said:
“The old lady ate too many unripe persimmons
during Japan’s economic depression.”
Hunger does not produce illusions. Thirst does, Iris thought.
Until one day, the film editor couldn’t bleach the colour from her eyes.
The old lady and she seemed to arrive
at the same vision.
She craved pain—the physical kind—
to overwrite it.
It was a Chinese girl’s hand.
Iris knew it the moment it touched her.
Not muscle, but finger bone—force from the knuckles. Soft hands, underpinned by firm strength, she thought.
“Is the pressure okay?” the girl asked.
“Good,” Iris said.
“I’ve seen you a few times, but you never came in.”
“Do you work here full-time?” Iris asked, then leaned forward into the cradle of the massage table, taking shallow breaths, avoiding the question.
The pressure on her shoulder blades deepened—
her bones let out a brittle creak.
Collapse under each stroke,
like sourdough folding into itself.
Nazlı评语
Dear Chelsea,
This piece is about the relationship of Iris and Flora. I appreciate the distilled narrative that allows for the images to become symbols and the silences to convey meaning. That you chose to write a story in verse made me think of Anne Carson’s essays in verse, especially because your writing was poetically arresting like hers. I think the jobs of the characters, film and massage, also work well, they bring great potential to the piece, which you’ve begun to use. Your stanza about hunger and thirst is already erotic, and should you wish, you can make more of either of the themes—depending on the final length of the piece, another stanza might be enough. I also loved the word games, and while I think having another stanza made up of word pairs may be too much, I am sure you’ll find other occasions to attract attention to words. […]
I’ll be attaching Anne Carson’s “Irony Is Not Enough,” an essay I love and reread often. It’s a retelling of the 1996 movie Thieves, and should you wish to do a little fun study, you can watch the movie and read the first and second drafts of the essay to get even more ideas from it. What I have in mind is, 1) how Carson translates the movie into verse, which may inspire you to do more with Iris’s job, 2) how Carson includes lessons and translations due to the main character’s job, which you may also take and adapt, should you wish to add literary/cinematic references to your piece, and 3) how Carson does dialogue, which is different than yours, and through the differences may show you options to refine and sharpen
“The Ice Boy”
by Dai Yuan
From the age of 15 to 18, my shoulders were my tools for making money.
I carried blocks of ice, about the size of a shoebox, on my shoulder, weaving through every corner of the market in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. In this overheated city, everyone needed ice. Seafood vendors used it to chill the catch hauled in from the sea. Traffic police relied on iced coffee to stay calm under the sun. Housewives needed it to prepare chilled water for their families. Though refrigerators were widespread, the electricity was too expensive, and blackouts were frequent. So people preferred buying ice to keeping their fridges on all day.
I don’t know how many blocks I carried. When people needed ice, they called my boss. The ice shop was run by a woman, about forty, who kept a thick notebook on her desk. It had been worn out from years of flipping—inside were the names and addresses of all the regular customers. Wherever the boss asked me to go, I went. Most of the orders came from seafood stalls in the market—they used the most ice. Some came from households. And some customers, old ones, still came to pick up the ice themselves, strapping it to the backs of their motorbikes.
In this city, ice was the only thing that could quiet me. I liked ice. It made me quiet. People here all seemed to know what they were doing. They were busy. Tired. But not poor enough to starve. Nor rich enough to rest. The elders said, as long as there’s no war, life is good.
Nazlı评语
Dear Dai Yuan,
“Ice Boy” is a story about desire told by juxtaposing heat and ice, in their literal and metaphorical manifestations. I appreciated how the heat and ice come together effortlessly through the setting and the body. Lyer’s name would be pronounced “liar” in English, which added an extra dimension of belief/disbelief for me, and even though it may be accidental, I enjoyed the possibility of another secret. I also appreciated the dialogue throughout, always sparse and distilled.
In fact, I can use those adjectives to describe the writing. It too was sparse and distilled, just at the right amounts. With the exception of only the rare moment when I wanted the analogies or feelings described only a little bit more, I find that I have no questions for the existing text, nothing to cut, add, or expand. I am curious about the ending, though, and I don’t think the piece has yet reached completion.
On a grander level, I think the story can become one about the three years the narrator refers to in the beginning. […] On a smaller level, I think the story could benefit from bringing Lyer or some thoughts about Lyer at the end, so that it doesn’t end like an unsolved murder mystery that beckons the reader to solve it. And should you wish to make/keep it a murder mystery, the thinking and emotions behind the crime, and the thinking and clues around its later explanation by the police/detectives are full of opportunities to reveal character, explore the qualities of defects of personality, and write about the hope and despair that makes people do what they do.
我们有幸得以分享以上三位写作者的结课文章片段，并在三明治的文章平台上发表，同时附上Nazlı的点评，希望将写作及成为写作者的快乐与更多人分享和见证。希望在未来的相聚中，能够遇到同样渴望探索自我的你。
（由haiyan整理&总结）
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